Mommies Here!

Over the weekend, Nadia and I previewed Off and Running: An American Coming of Age Story, a documentary film about a young African American girl who was raised by her Jewish adoptive moms, Tova and Travis.

The film is excellent.   I first heard about the film from Mother Issues  and I’m thrilled that I got to see it for myself. Not only does it do a great job of depicting the complexities involved in transracial adoption, but it also adeptly demonstrates the trials and tribulations that parents face when dealing with any young adult who is coming of age.

 Avery was adopted by Travis while she was an infant. Travis then met and married Tova, who also had an adopted son, Rafi. Tova and Travis later adopted another child, Zay-Zay. The Klein-Cloud children are African American (Avery), biracial (Samuel) and Korean (Zay-Zay). The family practices Jewish traditions, while living in Brooklyn.

The film has a warm, intimate feeling.  Shot with an intelligent and insightful eye, Off and Running does not take the easy route, by casting  anyone in the role of the villain, which I found refreshing.

When Avery turns eighteen, she feels compelled to communicate with her Texan birth mom, “K”, assisted with the help of her adoption agency. To her disappointment, she receives a rather lukewarm response from “K”.  

During this excruciatingly slow “snail mail” exchange, Avery’s adoptive moms, Tova and Travis, become frustrated with Avery. They don’t understand why their daughter feels the need to connect with her birth mom. They appear threatened and, at times, downright angry that she continues to talk about and agonize over her lack of connection to her birth mom and her four siblings.

At one point, Avery says to her birth moms, “I just want to know who I am.”

And Tova responds, “You take after me.”

During the midst of this growing conflict with her adoptive moms,  Avery begins to experience an identity crisis, which causes her to skip school, move out, risk her track career and, ultimately,  her ticket to college.

 Understandably, Avery’s adoptive moms are completely flabbergasted by her behavior; however, they don’t seem to grasp how difficult it is for Avery to not really know where she comes from.

At one point, Travis says, “It’s like something really traumatic happened to her, but I don’t think it did.” 

I think that Avery’s loss is compounded by her lack of African American role models.  One day while walking down the street, Avery says to Tova, “I want to get my hair braided.”  Tova responds, “Well Travis always braided your hair,” but it seems as if the motivation behind Avery’s desire for braids (braided extensions, really) is more significant than Avery’s moms realize.

Later in the film, Avery confides to a counselor that she doesn’t “know how to be black.”

Frankly, I don’t think that her insecurity is only due to the fact that she was raised by white Jewish lesbians because I was grew up with two Caribbean (black) parents in a white neighborhood and I remember feeling insecure about my blackness as a teenager. There is something very distinct about the African American experience that any parent of an African American child needs to acknowledge and pro-actively address.

Ultimately, the love that Avery receives from her adoptive moms, provides her with tools she needs to find her way.

I really admire the courage of everyone involved in making Off and Running, including the entire family, the film maker, Nicole Opper, and especially young Avery, who, in addition to being the central character in the film, is listed as one of the films co-authors. The film has a raw honestly, which makes it empathize with all of the characters.

I highly recommend this film. It was great to watch with Nadia because it  got us to talk about how we would deal with a transracial adoption. We also talked about how we will deal with the racial issues that are bound to emerge in our transracial, alternative, adoptive family.

Off and Running will air on POV, on PBS on September 7th along with some other documentaries on adoption:

Wo Ai Ni (I Love You) Mommy (Aug 31), about a Chinese adoption and In the Matter of Cha Jung Hi (Sep 14), which deals with Korean adoption.

Check out the POV website for more details. And I will post another update closer to the viewing date.