Mommies Here!

Yesterday, I had my endometrial co-culture biopsy. It wasn’t too bad. The procedure itself was midly painful but it was over in a flash. Tomorrow I start the estrogen patches. I’m starting to get the jitters.

What if this doesn’t work?

When I went to the clinic earlier this week to have some blood drawn, I saw all of these women preparing for battle. Some were new recruits, some were veterans like myself, some just had blank looks on their faces as they stared off into the distance. I saw my reflection in each one of their faces and I got a little panicked.

How much more of this can I take?

Let’s face it, I’ve had 10 failed IUIs, 1 failed IVF and now I’m on the verge of another (hopefully, successful) IVF. This clinic requires daily monitoring, so once I start there will be no sleeping in, ladies. I feel tired just thinking about it. And Nadia is extremely tired of all of it. Many of you have been through  more than me and some of you have been through less, but everyone’s ttc journey is unique.

I really hope this works. I got a lot riding on this one.

For the last couple of days, I have been testing and waiting for the big O, but my test turned positive last night. So, I should ovulate within the next 24-36 hours?

TMI?

Yes,I know, but here’s the plan…

Sometime in the next week, I will go into the clinic to have an endometrial co-culture procedure, most likely that will be on Thursday. My clinic recommends endometrial co-culture samples for ‘poor responders’ like me.

Ten days after the postive test for ovulation, I will start my estrogen patch and the day after that I start ganirelix.

About 5 days later, I’ll start my cycle and begin IVF #2.

And it all starts with the big O!

Eight months after my first failed IVF-cycle, I very close to beginning my next one. I am scared out of my mind, but also a bit excited.

Here we go!

Well, sort of. I’m still waiting for the paper work but…

As many of you know, I have been having major problems with my insurance company since September of 2008. The latest round consisted of them sending my doctor the most egregious fax, stating that they could not even consider my latest request for IVF authorization because of my usage of donor sperm!

As you know, I was completely devastated by the decision and have spent the last couple of months strategizing with my doctor on how best to fight the appeal. This is on top of the months I spent doing IUIs, in effort to meet their ‘medical standards for infertility.’

On Wednesday, I submitted an extensive appeal letter, chronicling every phone call and correspondence with them, essentially building my case.

Here’s an excerpt from my appeal letter:

“Your most recent fax explaining the denial decision states the following: ‘member was denied   IVF with ICSI and donor sperm on 2/09. Because I still cannot approve the request due to the donor sperm, I cannot accept this request.‘ I am very confused by the reason given for my denial.  I have undergone 10 IUI cycles and 1 failed IVF cycle in my effort to become pregnant over a two year period. According to my understanding of your medical policy, I have met the medical requirements for an infertility diagnosis and, therefore, should be eligible for IVF coverage under my policy. I would like my case reviewed, my denial overturned, and my request for IVF authorization  to be approved. 

…
 
Please note that I am also filing a grievance with the state’s outside reviewer office because I feel as if my treatment via phone, letter and in deed on your part has been confusing, contradictory, inconsistent and,  discriminatory to women who ‘don’t have access to donor sperm’, which is often the case with women in same sex relationships.”

Since Wednesday, I have spoken to several angels(!) at the state’s  medical reviewer’s office and they also agreed to review my case because they too suspected that there was some same-sex discrimination at play.

By the grace of God today, I got a call from my grievance officer at my insurance company, who is a really a nice guy at heart, and he told me that he was confident that they would issue the IVF authorization after all. He also said that he wished me the best and that he was ‘really pulling for me’ and I just started to cry. I could not even speak. Frankly, I did not think that I would ever see this day.

I am so psyched!

Well, my new plan, which is still the same plan I had on my birthday, is to proceed with estrogen priming towards mid-to late April and to start my next IVF cycle on May 2nd. But the difference now is that someone else will be footing the bill.

Thanks to all of you who routed for me and offered to pummel those bastards. You got me through it.

We did it!

Today is the 10th anniversary of my 29th birthday. Well, okay, so I turn 39 today. As painful as it is to write in some ways, it is also quite an accomplishment.

I remember when I turned 29. It was a tumultuous time in my life. I was coming out and breaking up with my boyfriend of six years. At one point I thougtht I was going to marry him and six years into it I had no job or place to live at 29. I didn’t know what my thirties would bring and I was scared sh*tless. I sort of feel like that now, although I have so much more going for me now than I did then.

I met Nadia a few days before I turned 30 and it has made all of the difference in my life. I navigated my thirties with such a wonderful, loving partner, the years just flew right by. Now I’m approaching 40 and trying to make a little one. Speaking of the TTC..

 I had an FSH test last week and I almost chewed my nails off waiting for the results. I had some how  convinced myself that I was pre-menopausal ( I think because of the looming birthday) and that my chances of getting pregnant were zero to none. So I waited and waited and waited for the test results–two whole days! I couldn’t even write about it because I was so nervous, flittering between denial and despair. Well, anyhoo, I got the results back and my FSH is 5.9. Yes, you and and Nadia know full well, I can be a bit neurotic and crazy. That is a perfectly fine fsh level.

My other big test was an HSG test to see if my tubes were blocked. My doctor was convinced that my tubes were blocked because of my fibroid surgery and we both thought that would help with my insurance appeal. So I had that test yesterday. And, in sharp contrast, I was cool as a cucumber. Well, I failed that test miserably. LOL

Turns out my tubes are in perfect shape! I could have skipped the entire ordeal. Anyway, I will submit my appeal either today (not likely since it’s my birthday) or tomorrow to my insurance company and the state’s insurance commissioner. So far the letter has a lot of anti-discrimination language and it chronicles the entire sordid tale. I’ll find out the verdict three weeks after I submit.

But regardless of their decision Nadia and I will move forward with my pre-IVF estrogen priming cycle by the end of this month. I don’t want to put this off any longer even if I have to pay for it. Ouch! Even though I’m nervous and scared about getting old. I feel as if I’m approaching a new dawn. I’ll become a mother in this decade one way or the other.

Okay, so I spent the last hour or so doing something that I was a little afraid to do–read my blog roll. I don’t exactly know why I met the challenge with such trepidation but all I can say is that I have been feeling a little down lately and sometimes I get apprehensive about reading about  the ttc journey/pregnancy journey because sometimes I can’t even seem to manage my journey.

But I got to say,  I’m so glad that I took the time to drop by all of the blogs on my ‘egg roll’. I have to admit that I didn’t comment on each and every one of them, but I truely had a blast, not to mention the fact that I really learned a lot.

In part, I learned that some of you are completely crazy-in a good way. Others of you are fiercely dogged in your determination to get pregnant and have a child. Others of you have moved on and are exploring alternative ways of parenting, either through adoption or foster care.  Despite the ups and downs and years of trying is some cases, I found that through it all we all managed to maintain a wonderful open spirit about the pursuit of family. I got to say, that I loved reading each and everyone of your blogs. I felt truly inspired and blessed to be in such good company.

I need to do that more often.

Okay, now here’s my own update:

My doctor recommends a hystosalpinogram because he is hoping he will show tubal scarring post-mymectomy, which should strengthen my appeal. As for my timeline, it means I will have to wait six more weeks before I can start my pre-ivf estrogen priming cycle but Nadia and I are committed to doing another round of IVF whether or not I get authorized by my insurance. I’m trying to take it stride but what it really means is more waiting.

On the other hand, I think I’m getting good at that. And besides, I’ll have plenty of blogs to read to help me pass the time.

Okay, so this I got a call from the  billing coordinator at my RE’s office who told me that my request for IVF authorization was denied.

She said that the explanation that was given made no sense to her whatsoever, and she suggested that I appeal to a higher authority.  As you can see, they are denying my request ‘due to donor sperm’ which makes absolutely no sense. In fact, what she is saying is that she cannot even accept the request, which seems ludicrous to me.  This final IVF request does not include ICSI, it is a completely separate and distinct request and really shouldn’t have any connection to the first one. When I called them this morning, I got the same run around. Bascially, they don’t want to pay for the procedure. I get that but I do have a right to it. When does using donor sperm preclude me from IVF benefits? It doesn’t make any sense.

I am going to write to the external consumer review board and wait one month. If I don’t get a satifsfactory answer, I am going round up all of you who volunteered to pummel them with me and when we return, Nadia and I have agreed that we will proceed with IVF# 2 regardless. I feel so many emotions right now I can’t even begin to write about them all.

Ho hum.

So I have to wait another month, which kind of sucks because I really love March. March is definately my favorite month because in addition to representing the start of Spring, my favorite season, it is my birthday month and the month in which which Nadia and I met and fell in love.

Ladies and women, I am not pregnant. I actually found out on Wednesday, when my monthly friend came early. Ugh!
 
Okay, so now, it’s on to IVF #2. Hopefully, the number 2 will wind up as my lucky number this year. I don’t think I can take much more of this egg drop drama and Nadia is definitely tired of the whole rat race.
 
Monday, I will call the evil insurance company to confirm my IVF authorization. And I’m letting you know  that reserve the right to ask some of you to travel with me–out of state–to my insurance headquarters to pummel them if they say ‘no’  to my insurance request for some preposterous reason.
 
If all goes well, I will start  IVF#2 in mid-march. March is my favorite month of the year, and I  hope that IVF madness does not ruin it.

No, this isn’t the name of a fabulous new movie; it’s actually my life. Last Friday I had my 10th IUI, so now I am in the second week of my ttw. I did this last one it to satisfy the insurance company. According to my lawyer friends, this should do the trick. I’m hopeful that they won’t deny me my IVF coverage again.

Ten IUIs is a lot. I keep thinking about my insurance company’s medical standards for infertility. Ten IUIs plus on 1 IVF or 12 failed IUI cycles.  And for me, fulfilling those requirements have come with surgery and, as you all know, countless sonograms.

I don’t know if to be hopeful. Mostly, I’m just anxious. I took a break from blogging because I didn’t really want to think about the ttc, even though I spent most of my ‘blogcation’ thinking about getting pregnant.

I’ll find out if I’m knocked up on Friday.  I should hear from my insurance company that day too. Can’t wait.

Thanks for sticking with me.

After arguing with my insurance company all day yesterday, I feel like my wings have been clipped. It’s a long drawn out story, but to make it short, it looks like I may have to do one more IUI before they will approve the IVF coverage.

I believe that what happened was that my old RE had negotiated with them so that I would only have to do two more IUIs before being approved. I even have that in writing, but somehow now that’s come down to the wire, they are singing a different tune.  I think it’s because one of the IUI’s that he was able to have counted was actually a fcanceled IUI cycle. Now that I am at a new facility, dealing with new people, they have gone back on their word.

Sure if I had the money or if my bio-clock was ticking, I could and would fight them in court, I definately think that I have a case, particularly because they have different medical standards for single women and women in same-sex relationships but, ultimately, I think I need to stay focused. Don’t get my wrong, I am going to speak with a lawyer and see what is possible, but no matter what happens, it doesn’t look like I am going to start my estrogen priming cycle next week. And that is my goal–to get started on IVF #2!

It’s all very frustrating and draining. Nadia keeps reminding me that they are doing this because they don’t want to pay. They are fighting this authorization tooth and nail because once I am approved, I think they are on the line for six IVF cycles, but I know I don’t have the stomach for that.

Anyway, I will keep you posted.